Roommate Starter Kit

Whether you’re living with roommates for the first time or want to get your relationship with new roommates off to a great start, here are tips and tactics to make your time in residence together more rewarding.

Start with three simple concepts

Here are the top three things you can do to ensure you and your roommate(s) have a healthy living environment:

1. Awareness — know the difference between fact and fiction
2. Communication — keep the lines open for a strong relationship
3. Setting expectations — ask some starter questions to help clarify how you will live in your shared space

After you’ve given it a try, if things just don’t work out, you can follow the procedures to request a room change.

Awareness

Before you and your roommate move into your residence unit, separate fact from fiction. Know the facts about living well with others:

Communication

Most roommate conflicts are the result of poor communication. When interacting with your roommate(s):

• Avoid gossip. Gossip among roommate(s) and other members in your community can be a real source of conflict. Avoid conversations that include gossip, and ensure that your ”small talk” is gossip free.
• Go to the source. Complaining can cause a lot of tension within a shared living space. Those who you complain to wonder if you complain about them too, and this only provides you with a quick ”get it off your chest” feeling. Instead of complaining, talk to your roommate(s) directly. Starting a sentence with “I feel that ...” is usually a good tactic — no one can deny how you feel.
• Don’t beat around the bush. If there is something that you feel needs to be discussed or addressed, take a minute to think about what you are going to say and then say it. A problem is much easier to solve when it is out in the open and clearly stated.
• Don’t make assumptions. The source of many problems is false assumptions. If you make an assumption before taking the time to get the facts, problems will arise. See the previous two points for more advice.
• Use "I" statements. This is a very powerful and non-threatening way to address concerns. Talk about how you feel and what you have observed. This will provide your roommate(s) with an opportunity to see how their actions may be affecting you (excerpt from PaperClip Communications).

Setting expectations

With up to four people living together in one residence unit sharing a common room, kitchen and bathroom, there are bound to be many different styles of living. All four roommates will have to learn to compromise, agree to disagree and set expectations.

Here are some quick questions that address important topics that you and your roommate(s) should take some time to discuss soon after you move in. Talking about these things now will let you learn more about each other and create standards that you are comfortable living with.

Cleanliness: regarding the common spaces (kitchen, bathroom, living room), what are your expectations for cleaning? You may want to address things such as:

• How often should you wash/vacuum the floors? And who is responsible for this?
• Is each person responsible for their own dishes? Are they washed after every meal? How do you feel about a roommate borrowing your dishes?
• How often should the bathroom be cleaned, including toilets, floor, shower and sink?
• How often should the kitchen be cleaned, including the sink, stove, oven and counters?

Food: you and your roommate(s) will be sharing cupboard and fridge space. Ask yourselves:

• Should everyone have their own cupboard and fridge areas to store their own food?
• Are there items (e.g. condiments, cutlery) that you can share or do you prefer that everyone uses their own?
• What are your feelings about sharing and/or borrowing food?

Guests: each of you will entertain guests in your own private room and the common space many times during the year.

• What are your expectations for guests?
• What are your expectations of your roommate(s) when they are entertaining guests?
• What are your feelings about guests staying overnight? And where will they be staying?

Use of common space: each unit has amenities that residents share (e.g. television, living room, kitchen table, fridge, stove).

• How will you share these items?
• If someone is using any of these items unfairly, how should it be addressed?

Personal bedroom and property: everyone has his or her own private space and property.

• What do each of you expect of the other(s) when it comes to entering someone else’s room, borrowing items, etc.?

The Residence Conduct Guide — on living with roommates

Here are some important points to highlight with reference to roommates from the Residence Conduct Guide.

Chapter 3 – Residence citizenship – rights, responsibilities and privileges

Chapter 4 – Conduct standards

Requesting a room change

A new living arrangement and new roommates can sometimes make for a challenging few weeks as everyone gets to know their new surroundings. What starts off bumpy will often grow into a good relationship. There are times, though, when things just don’t work out. After giving it a good try, you may wish to start down the room-change road.

Note: a room freeze is in effect during September and January and room changes will not take place. Room change requests will be reviewed beginning on Oct. 1, only after you have taken several steps:

1. As an adult and residence student, it is your responsibility to attempt to solve your roommate conflicts on your own.
2. If problems persist, speak to your Resident Advisor (RA) and let your RA know about the problem. He/she will provide you with some advice and new tactics to try in the resolution process.
3. Arrange a meeting with your RA and your roommate(s). RAs are trained in mediation processes and can facilitate a conversation between you and your roommate(s) that may assist you in addressing the issues in a positive way.
4. Evaluate progress. If the conflicts between you and your roommate(s) have not improved and you feel it would be better if you changed rooms, pick up a room-change request form from the Residence Services office in Building B in the West Residence. Once you have completed the form, you need to get your RA to sign it. Then you can submit it to the Residence Life Coordinator. The Residence Life Coordinator and the Housing Coordinator will make a decision about your request to change rooms.

In order for a room change request to be granted, you must show that you have followed all of the above steps.

Once a room change is approved, you have five days to pick up your new keys, move and do a proper check-out with your RA.